A few years ago now, my mother had a sudden medical emergency. My sister and I had to move quickly to get to my parents who were living far away from either of us. We spent two weeks there, navigating medical questions, trying to understand prescription interactions, and grappling with a painful fact: my parents couldn’t continue to live alone.
Something to know about me: I am actually something of a change initiator. There’s this assessment I’ve used with teams before called the “Change Style Indicator” that places your approach to change on a spectrum from gradual to radical. I’m not overly radical, but I do skew that way. I like to get to the other side quickly and I find many kinds of change exciting. It’s served me well in my professional life.
But it failed me in this personal moment. My instincts took over and I pushed, harder than I probably needed to, to move my lovely parents into a safer home, nearer to family.
I still 100% believe this was the correct decision. But I failed to grapple appropriately with the emotional needs of my parents. I focused so much on safety I neglected to properly care for the inevitable grieving process my folks were going through.
The Knickmeyer Parents circa 2012
Look, I know that going through an organizational change like a layoff or merger isn’t the same kind of painful. But the underlying human response is remarkably similar. Change forces us to grieve what we are leaving behind.
As leaders, it’s important that we take a beat to understand and make space for that reality.
Teams going through the wringer often need to rebuild their foundations and part of that is reconciling with the past and owning the grief before we start the work. It also means understanding how we each approach change differently, so we can talk to each other with clarity and kindness to help each other across the bridge, rather than racing forward alone.
The Values to Velocity workshop I’m designing puts this front and center, because the change isn’t stopping, but if we understand ourselves and each other better we can navigate it a little more smoothly.
All the best,
Ray Knickmeyer, Founder & Principal Strategist
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This week’s palate cleanser
I know there’s normally a cat photo here, but I got a new lens for my Fuji and I just love this goofy Green Heron to pieces.